The Unreachable Dream

A short story written by me, Nina Cremer.
In 2004.

The unreachable Dream

She sat in her car. Lost in thoughts, lost in her own world. She was thinking. Thinking about life... her life... and the way she wanted it to become. Until now nothing had passed off well in her life, she thought. She was a put-up girl. A girl, whose past had been horrible, whose presence was unbelievably hard and whose future dreams seemed unreachable. She felt as if her life had went down the drain. Her success was on the wane, she thought. Her life was on the wane. She slaved away at it. She was in the final stages. But the end wasn't yet in sight. She had never gone astray but yet she had always been repulsed. By the skin of her teeth she had made it, until now. She had never stopped being on the road, had worked hard to gain respect for herself- she had never achieved it. She had taken an active part in almost everything... That was no longer relevant. She was put on the alert- and didn't find a way out of it. She felt as if she was failing... She was all gone. At all events, ... once and for all... What was all this supposed to mean? She didn't know. 'I should think about going', she thought... As if it were as easy as that. She was not the girl she used to be, she knew. She couldn't leave everything as it was- that was impossible! The time had come- she knew it, she felt it. She needed to... But she didn't know when. At day-break? At nightfall? She was afraid to tackle her problem the wrong way... Because she was susceptible to too quick overreactions. She couldn't do anything about it. That was her. She had since always demanded too much of herself. But she had always wanted to be able to meet other people's demands. Since a long time she looked strained- and she felt the way she looked. She couldn't encourage herself to stop working so hard. She had always tried to but she couldn't. And now... there was no other way. She fastened her seatbelt. It didn't help her bringing charges against herself. She could no longer take her life up the way it was. She wished to sink into oblivion- but she couldn't. She accused herself of not having encouraged herself to manage her life. And she was well received by her soul... She took her heart's pain up. She had never had success with anyone. But as of now, that didn't matter anymore. She didn't want to push her luck anymore, she didn't want to risk it anymore. She didn't want to let it get as far as the courts...

And so she started the motor...

and drove into that old tree...

where her love she had just lost... had kissed her for the very first time...

to end it... where her unreachable dream had started to stop her from thinking about anything else...

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